She Doesn’t Know

My Ghostgirl

This story is inspired by a beautiful girl who turned my life upside down for a moment just by chance. Or was it fate?

I haven't known her especially long, but our life lines met when we each decided to take a chance on life. We didn't know what awaited us out there in the wide world. My life at that point was just chaos. I didn't know where the road would take me. Time flew away from me too. So much had happened at this point that it was hard for me to keep myself going. I think she entered my life at the right time. 

I do come across people sometimes that brings out the worst in me and the best in me. And very rarely do people enter that I don't quite know where to place. I didn't know where to place her for a while I can tell you. For those of you who have followed me for a while and who know me well, you know that I never shake hands. When I shake hands, I read people quite involuntarily. It means I get some information or feelings from my empath side. And the first day I met her, I actually couldn't help but shake her hand. In that moment, I knew she would become an important person in my life. I just didn't quite know why. 

As time passed I got to know her a little more and I started to get a better picture of her life. The way her mind works, her feelings and the way she's around me. Usually I know how to make my energy merge with others. I really couldn't figure out why I was struggling with her so much. I also had that feeling that I needed to protect her? I struggled with that too cause I can tell you she really don't need protection. That girl can handle herself really well. But still, I felt that. I also had to try to pull myself together to not read her without her knowledge and consent. I respected her to much to do that. Still... Her energy made me so calm somehow. I don't think anyone else have managed that with me. Not that much. It's like an orgasm for my soul. She refuelled my energy. That's when I realised she was very special and she didn't even know it. 

Time passed and she asked me for space. I tried to give her that as best as I could. She didn't know that I knew so much more then I should. She didn't know how I saw tears behind those caring eyes. The pain behind her beautiful smile and the uncertainty that lay and pounded like a thousand horses over a field
in her mind. She's become so good at hiding what should be carried openly on her shoulders. And my heart burned with her. 

I slowly started to see that she had gifts too. Not like mine, but strong enough to make her life less normal then she deserves. Her sudden need to pull away from people, her reaction to changes in people, stressed situations and the constantly not understanding that the energy where she was actually was a spirit. She also don't know that this spirit is aware that she can feel him. That have made me laugh a few times. Cause she confuses the spirit by doing so. The spirit don't understand why she doesn't respond back. But I couldn't say anything. Went on for weeks. One time the spirit actually spoke to her and without knowing she actually get's goosebumps and chills as an reaction to that. I think she get's those a lot. 

She has experienced quite a lot as a young girl. She has tried to share her experiences with the world, but as I know myself, it doesn't always end so well. She stopped growing inside herself as time passed. She stopped seeing and feeling so much. Instead, she built a wall around her heart. I can understand that. Without guidance and without trust from the world, everything seems so much easier when everyone is on the other side of the wall. So I think she bottled up feelings and thoughts and slowly but surely became someone she did not want to be.

It's hard for me to stand on the sidelines. People come into my life and they get a piece of my heart like she has. Usually they trow it around and step on it, but don't think she will ever do that. She helps to keep my life better, brighter and less cold. She warms my heart in so many ways and she makes time go fast when you're with her. I really want her to be happy. I want to make her life better. I don't want her to be afraid of what she feels. I want her to be herself without punishing herself for trusting people and loving them just so they could break her. I want her to know that it's okay not to be okay and it's okay to be different and letting the world know you are. I see her, I feel her and I hear her. When I'm not with her, I miss her. That means she already has a special place in my heart. 

Always keep your face toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. The most beautiful things in the world I believe can't be seen or touched because you need to feel them with your heart. Sometimes that's a difficult thing to do. If you are unhappy, do something about it. If you love someone, let them know. Don't spend your time in a place you don't want to be. Don't be someone you're not. Be someone you want to be. Love whoever you want, be whoever you want and do what's best for you, because you can't make others live that life for you. Ask for help if you're drowning. Don't drown because your pride get's in the way. Don't give up just because life seems to think that's what you should do.